it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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