Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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