You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
