"it" just moved
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
