That's intense
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
