I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
smell my finger.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
