DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
