I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
