My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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