my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
