return my video game
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
