All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
