Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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