DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
