Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
