Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
