This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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