i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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