after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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