A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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