FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
