dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
