I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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