I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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