Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
