she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize