I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
