Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
