Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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