My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
