so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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