I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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