Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
