I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Plan B is the new Plan A
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were trust falling into bushes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
