She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
