ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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