her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
