Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
