that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is wine microwaveable?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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