we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
