you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
