I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
