So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize