You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
