You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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