i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize