I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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