She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
