Will you blow on my dice?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
