Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize