After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I fill condoms, not promises.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
