Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
