our cab driver is having phone sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
