I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize