youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Someone shit on the floor
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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