She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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