The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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