she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
