I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
