Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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