The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
