You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
