At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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