On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
