I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish i was in the wii world.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
