Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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