dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
