I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
