Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
